Merry Christmas, Cooper

Dear Cooper,

I'm sorry I didn't get you any toys this year and I'm sorry that I didn't take the time to include you in my holiday shopping. But, let's be honest and realistic, you don't have any concept of holidays and technically, everyday is like Christmas to you anyway.

Since the holidays are days you should spend with your loved ones, I'm glad I'll be spending Christmas with you. Just like we have for the last 3 years, you have been the only sense of family I have during the holiday season and well, everyday. So I want to thank your mischievous, apathetic, lazy, low energy ass for being my companion, source of entertainment, and the bane of my existence all rolled into a 30 pound doggy frame. I love you, Choo Choo.

P.S.--I did order you those organic extra thick bully sticks you love so much. Please return the favor and poop quickly instead of making me walk you for miles in this snow. Thanks.

Apathy

Last night Tyson and I were wrestling around and Cooper was sleeping in his house like always, not giving a shit even when I squealed out in pain. Tyson noticed and said, "Most dogs go ballistic when their owners are wrestling around with other people" and I replied, "Yeah, Cooper couldn't care less what happens to me."

My first dog Sari would literally go bananas when anyone hugged in front of her, pretended to hit each other, or mimicked any kind of physical contact. She would wedge herself between us and try to push us apart and she was the kind of dog that never jumped up on anyone. I can't even imagine what she would do to a stranger that was doing anything physical in front of her to her family; I would imagine that she wouldn't have a problem with biting them and bringing them down.

Cooper really could care less. Whenever I'm sad or cry, he slinks off into his house like, "Ugh! You're doing that again?! Jeez, I'm going over there until you stop that nonsense." If I wrestle around with anyone, he cocks an ear over and looks at me out of the corner of his eye like, "oh, she got this." If heaven forbid, I actually get attacked, Cooper wouldn't do shit. He would jump up on my attacker like, "Oh my God! A new friend! I love you!" He's a terrible guard dog and companion. The only thing he has going for him is that he is so gosh darn cute.