Creepy man in a wheelchair

For awhile I thought about enrolling Cooper to be a therapy dog that visits hospitals and old people homes. I mean, he likes everyone he meets and he's an attention whore and for the most part, he's really good at not jumping on people. Then I got lazy and decided that while Cooper probably won't care being that close to dying people, I get uncomfortable around super old people who are hard of hearing because I don't like shouting at them, and I'm also afraid of sick people coughing on me or something germ-y like that.

Anyway, Cooper's been a little dick about going pee pee in the mornings; usually he sleepily wobbles outside, pees, and walks back to the door all with his eyes half-opened. Lately he's been taking his sweet time walking from bush to bush, tree to tree, parking meter to parking meter. As I haven't been getting enough sleep lately, this really annoys me and pisses me off to the point of tears. However, there's always a light at the end of the tunnel and that light is a creepy homeless guy in an electric wheelchair.

Cooper's terrified of wheelchairs but especially the motorized ones. I don't know why, but he just is. Thus, this ended my very brief dream of turning him into a therapy dog because he'd scream at the first person in a wheelchair he sees. Anyway, this creepy wheelchair man might also be slightly deranged because everytime he sees Cooper, he speeds up screaming "Puppy, puppy, puppy, puppy!" all while laughing a high pitched hyena giggle. This scares Cooper shitless.

Yesterday morning Cooper had that mischievious gleam in his eye and I knew this was going to take awhile. As soon as we got outside, we both hear a faint whirring noise and "puppy!!!!" It's the crazy homeless man in the wheelchair. Cooper's eyes go wide, frantically runs down the stairs and pees on the bush planted right outside. He never pees on that bush. I can almost hear his little voice in his head: "Oh no! It's him!! Hurry, hurry, hurry pee!" He finished in record time and jumped at the door scratching it in vain all while looking over his shoulder to see where the creepy homeless wheelchair man was.

Now if I can only pay that creepy wheelchair man to roll down my block every morning around 6:45...